Choosing a Spouse or Choosing to Love

Marriage is so much more than choosing a person who thrills you. Of course it starts that way, but in the end you will find that this person has been chosen for you. Not necessarily chosen in the sense of being the one person who is meant to captivate you "ever after", though I find my wife captivating still after 14 years. In a much more important sense, your spouse is chosen as that primary other human being with whom you have the opportunity, or you could say the test, to love. It is, after all, the ultimate test to be given a life companion who is to be the object of your unconditional love. It is the most challenging and, potentially, fascinating endeavor that a human being can ever undertake (save, perhaps, the endeavor of raising children). As a Christian, it is the ultimate practical test of faith. As a follower of Christ, you are commanded to love as Christ loves you. That means that you must continually, and unbegrudgingly, lay aside all your own wants and cares. (Or rather, to lay your own wants and cares at the feet of the Father. Whether or not He uses your spouse to meet those wants and cares or whether He intends to meet your every need is not for you to determine.) You are called upon to overlook any blemishes, irritating idiosyncrasies, and characteristics that you expected should have changed in your spouse by now, that you never noticed until after the honeymoon, or that you foolishly thought you could "fix". You are called to be attentive and responsive to the needs and the best interests of the other. This assignment is not, for the Christian married person, dependent upon the relationship being symbiotic, though it might be so at various points in the course of the marriage. You are not required to "meet her/his needs only as long as she/he meets mine".
Christ gave Himself for us. That is the model for our marriages. He expresses His affection toward us in spite of our fickleness in affection for Him. His attention is fixed on us as He petitions for us before the throne of our Father, regardless of how we waffle in our prayer life. The great challenge of Christian marriage is to love your bride (or bridegroom) as Christ loves you. Attentive to her/his needs rather than demanding to have your own met—even when it feels like death, even when you feel justified in demanding to have yours met! Without the presence of the Spirit of Christ in our lives, this test would be more than impossible—and impossible it is. With the presence of His Spirit, it is an endeavor in which we can grow, perhaps slowly and painfully, but ultimately having our lives transformed into the image of Christ. No doubt about it, Christian marriage is the ultimate test of agape love. But as they say, the most rewarding things in life are the hardest things in life.