Memory

Is it a lack of dilignece or intellectual laziness? The hard drive seems to constantly cycle out old information over a period of hours or days in place of new information. How can it be that I can write a 30 page paper on 10 verses and not readily be able to recall its contents? How can I intently study the history of Western philosophy one year and be unable to muster more than a handful of concepts and attach fewer authors to them? How can I get intently into the lives of men, their pasts, their struggles and victories, and yet fail to recall any details? How can I have read my Bible for 20+ years and fail to remember the location of critical passages or even the themes of major books?
Are some people cursed (or blessed) with a blank slate syndrome? I feel as if my mind is constantly being pierced by the thorn of forgetfulness. I could accopmlish so much more if only I could remember. Every day when I roll out of bed, I am plagued with the need to refresh my mind with what is spinning in my life, what are the current critical issues, who are the significant people with whom I need to relate. This process of fighting to remember seems to weary me, pulling on me like a ball and chain.
And so, I spend 20 minutes reading an encyclopedia here, and 15 minutes wandering on the internet pricing computer products- loving to learn random facts-and losing sight of my intentions, costing me productivity.
It seems to seep into every area of my life. My passion grows for missions, then for apologetics, then for college students. Can I remember which passions are my primary ones? Passion for people ebbs away after a few days seperated from a loved one. I fail recognize the existence of such people.

Is to forgetfulness equivalent to indifference? Some might argue with me that if I really cared, I’d remember. Can it be that I just care too little?